Things no Longer allowed to do (FE Specials)
by DrexelDragonz
Summary: And thus, the shenanigans continues. OOC characters! A lot of screaming, facepalming and all around chaos. Hilarity Ensues! -Rule Breakah!
1. Law 1

**Author's Note: So! I am starting this from the ground up, I got so confused at the numbering. It was my fault. If you want you can resubmit the laws you passed, or that was already posted, your choice. So Enjoy!**

 **Law 1: Do not make a game out of counting all the blue haired units.**

"So! I decided to make a game!" Cain and Abel look up from their meal to stare at Xane.

"What kind of game?" Cain asked, shoving a spoon of the gunk soup that dare calls itself a meal.

"Counting game!"

"Counting game?" the two parroted.

"Count how many blue haired characters are there!"

"That's a stupid game, 60% off the characters in fire emblem are blue haired." Abel deadpan,

"Come on there can't be that much." Cain said, to prove his point Abel beckons for him to look around the mess hall.

There all in one table were Kris, Caeda, Marth and Elice. On the other side was Catria, Midia, Horace, and Barst.

Abel pointed behind Cain to see that Rickard and Samson talking to each other.

"See! Told you not that much, that's only like what, 10? 11?"

Abel, took out a bunch of papers and started to read, as Abel, keeps on going, Cain only clutch his head. "Stop! Okay! Fine, there's a lot of blue!"

Abel stopped when he was at the Elibe list and looks at Xane.

"Okay, bad idea. I'll think of a new game."

The next day Xane told his other game, count the red hairs. Cue Abel pointing at Xane and Cain, then all around him, emphasizing the Minerva family, and taking out the list, again.

Xane decided enough was enough and runs away crying, wailing to Est to stop her husband from bullying him. Abel got his ear chewed off, saying to at least not be blunt.

Abel promise that he'll try. He broke it the next day when Xane comes running out of the tent, wailing about the too many Horse Riders.

 **-End-**

 **Gonna do the numbering correctly now, please do pass the next is Law 2: so on and so forth, leave a review, fave or follow!**

 **-Drexeru Out-**


	2. Law 4

**Author's Note: This thing is going back to daily schedule (Sometimes it may not be daily, but probably max 2-3 days at most...meh)**

 **Disclaimer: FE belongs to Nintendo**

 **Law 4: No more attempts at taking advantage of glitches and cheats. It is disturbing to see enemies fight along side us, fix class units changing into a different class and the all around insanity.**

Marth stares blankly at the generic enemy fighting by their side."In the quest of liberating Archanea! I shall help you get King Marth's pants back!" generic enemy said.

"I don't need my pants back, I didn't even loose my pants." Marth deadpans.

Even weirder was Minerva, yes, the tomboy Minerva, is wearing a cleric's dress. "May Naga help me."

"That's it, I think I'm crazy." And so the Hero-King, the one that started the game we all love, became a mumbling mess in the corner.

* * *

"So, why is the dark knight here in Magvell?" Ephraim asked, looking at the 16 bit pixel unit by their side.

"I don't know brother. I don't know." Eirika groaned out.

"Hahahaha! Justice has won again!" they heard L'Arachel cackle, one shot killing the boss with a fire tome.

"Get away from her body you evil spirit!" Natasha said, throwing holy water at L'Arachel, the girl hissed.

"I give up!" Ephraim said walking away from the scene.

* * *

"Fae, why do you have a fire stone with you?" Mark gave Fae the flattest look in Elibe.

"Astole, stole it for me!" Fae chirped.

"Fae, number one, it's Astore, not Astole. Number two, how the fuck did he get it!"

"I don't know he said something about broken supports and glitches."

Mark only puts both her arms up in surrender. "I don't care anymore!"

"Bwahaha! Infinite Spear ammo beatch!" Miledy cackled, flinging the spears willy nilly. The enemy can't even attack.

"Hey! Look, Auntie Mark! I can walk through walls!" Lilina giggled while going back and forth.

"Auntie Mark! I can walk on water!" Roy said giddily, running in circles.

"Stupid hacks, stupid cheat codes!" Mark said slamming her head on the castle wall.

* * *

Alm and Celica both look up from their work. "I feel like, that I should be thankful that we got remade?" Alm asked, looking at his wife.

"Yes, I feel the same way." Celica agreed, they look at each other, then shrug their shoulders, going back to their work.


	3. Law 6

**Author's Note: Another update enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: FE belongs to Nintendo**

 **Law 6: All Dark Mages/Druids other than Sophia, Canas and Knoll are to be given weekly mental checks. We are NOT having another bout of craziness strike the kingdoms again.**

Sigurd and Deirdre stare dumbfounded at the scene playing in front of them. The great Chalpy castle, is on fire, with monsters staggering around.

"Expel!" was the shout from somewhere.

Sigurd ignores it and instead, wents to his knees, crying manly tears. Deirdre, gave her husband a comforting rub on the back, still staring at the Castle.

"Celica, dear, why are there monsters here in Jugdral?" she asked the girl that run to them.

"I don't know, someone from Valent(c)ia must've have summoned it."

"I see."

On the other continents, they also have the same problem, from Elibe to Yllise. For some reason though Archanea is peaceful. Having had enough, the very first ever mental checkup session was formed, being led by the master tactician herself.

 **-First Patient (Henry)-**

Mark adjusted her glasses, in front of her is Henry, who was on his back on a couch. "Now, for this session, we will talk about your obssesion, but first, tell me your name."

"Henry, nyahaha!" Mark nods, writing something on her clipboard.

"Now, Henry, why are you obsses with blood?"

"Cause red is a preatty color! Blood is awesome! Nyaha!"

Mark nodded, she puts her hands up to call for her back up boys. Dorcas and Bartre. "Please, do see him out of the room. There's no cure to his sickness."

"Wait! that's it?! It didn't even last 10 seconds!" Henry said, who was man handled out of the room.

"Next!"

 **-Julius-**

"So, you are Julius? Right?" Mark asked, "Yes, ma'am." the red head answered.

"I see," she wrote something on her clipboard and raise her hand again.

"See him out of the room."

"Wait! I object to this! Don't you man handle me!" Julius was wisely de-assed from the area.

"Next!"

 **-Nergal-**

Mark didn't even ask, she just stabbed the bitch with a holy sword.

"Next!"

 **-Tharja-**

Mark stares at the black mage, the mage stares back.

Mark wrote something, again, on her clipboard. Tharja gave a nod, she nods back, and slam the clipboard on the mage's head.

"Next!"

 **-Nyx-**

"Do something and i'll kill you." Nyx deadpan.

"I see. You are free to go."

* * *

The Lords all stare blankly at the paper that were handed to them. They all look at Mark, then back to there respective papers.

Chrom was about to open his mouth when Mark spoke. "Say one word and i'll kill you."

He closes it, and stare at the paper again.

"Well, guess that's that! No one is to bring this topic up again, agreed?" Kamui said, the others nodding in agreement.

"We are replacing Mark, who wants to volunteer?" Eliwood, looks around the room to see that no one was volunteering.

"Mark it is then."

The session continued on for a month, but got close down when the dark mages caused riot.

 **End**


	4. Law 8

**Author's Note: Already broke the promise of daily update...Nyaha! Sorry about that.**

 **Disclaimer: FE belongs to Nintendo**

 **Law 8: Nyna and Tatiana are NOT allowed to have catfights in front of Camus (aka Zeke). He is already running in circles, begging for the antagonists to kill him.**

"I came first Tatiana," a certain blonde woman said, who was staring at the girl in front of her.

The girl named Tatiana gave a sickly sweet smile. "But he loves me more, bitch."

"Oh, you did not just say that."

"Says the girl that married someone she didn't love, causing him to go into depression, and in turn gets possessed by the evil bad guy."

"The only reason why he loves you is because he has amnesia."

"But that evolved into love, he even turned into an enemy, just to protect me."

"Now it's on!"

"Bring it!" with that they charge and proceeds to claw each other on the faces.

Off to the side in between them was Camus/Zeke/Sirius, who is tied to a chair and has a gag in his mouth, he stare wide eyes at the chaos that is happening in front of him.

He looks up and prayed to the mighty Naga, like some sort of miracle, the knot got loose. With a thug, Camus/Zeke/Sirius was free, taking off the clothe in his mouth, he proceeds to make an exit from the scene.

Looking around, he saw Gharnef who was sipping a pina colada while sunbathing. "Gharnef! fucking kill me!"

Gharnef being the bad guy he is, just said. "No."

"Fuck!"

The two women were still clawing at each other.

"Who can kill me." Camus asked himself, looking around. He smiled when he saw Medeus and Duma sunbathing.

"Medeus! Duma!" Camus/Zeke/Sirius run to the two gods.

"What is it you want, puny mortal!" Medeus bellowed, making the earth shake.

"I want you to kill me!"

"No, I'm to lazy to do it."

"Ditto." Duma huffed and goes back to sunbathing with Medeus

"Fuck!"

* * *

"The hell happened here?" Katarina asked dumbfounded, on the floor were a passed out Tatiana and Nyna, with Camus on the side, looking as all hell disheveled.

"Cat fight?" Kris answered, not sure either.

"Guess Marth's paperwork is multiplying today."

"Yes, yes it will."

 **End**

 **Sorry for the wrong grammars and all...XP**


	5. Law 11

**Author's Note: ...Well, finally updated, RL and FGO kept me busy. Here it is, I don't know when the next update will be. Sorry for the wait! I'll try posting the next as fast as possible**

 **Law 11: Please stop attacking Linus of the Black Fang with a shotgun, while yelling "MAD DOG, MAD DOG". Just because he is known as the "Mad Dog" of the Black Fang does not mean he is a dog with rabies. If this continues, I cannot guarantee your safety should his brother, Lloyd, decide to assassinate you.**

It's a peaceful day in Elibe, the morning sun gave a happy glow, animals where jumping around, birds chirping, a screaming Linus from somewhere, and the butterflies flying around.

All in all it was a normal day. Was what the Tactician thought, but she knew peace is nothing more than a dream when you are living with people that are crazier than your sickly elderly.

So Mark was not surprise when the door to her office opened, admitting in a nervous Kent. "So? What is it this time." Mark said, not looking up from her papers.

"Well, a bunch of...should we say hunters, again, heard about the mad dog." Kent explained.

"And..."

"They were afraid that they will get rabies if they leave it alone, so they decided to take out there guns and chase the said 'mad dog'."

"Are they blind? Or deaf? or maybe they are idiots, they are, aren't they?"

"Yes, yes they are."

"I see, sick Lloyd at them."

"It shall be done." with that Kent left the office.

 **-Next Day-**

"What is it this time?" Mark said, when she saw Kent in front of her, again.

"Well, it turns out Linus does have rabies, the one he bit is now being healed."

"I see, he has rabies, sick Serra at him. A good whack on the head will fix it."

"Are you sure? I mean..."

"Don't ask questions, just go."

"Yes!"

 **-Next Day-**

"So, is everything back to normal?" Mark asked, when Kent appeared in front of her the third time.

"Yes, it has been fixed, a whack on the head with a staff does work."

"Told you, now if you'll excuse me. I need to write a report about this incident. You are dismissed."

Kent gave a salute and exit the room.

"Got to give Serra that date she asked for then."

Another normal day for Mark.


	6. Extra

**Authors Note: Guys, guys, i am one of the happiest person in the world right now. Oh gods! No offense but i'll say it. 'Take that Camilla and Tharja! Hahaha!' *evil laugh* I like all games, i don't hate them, but Lyndis winning against those fanservices is a cost for a celebration. Have an extra chapter.**

 **-Heroes Winners-**

"By the way, let me ask something, why am i riding on a horse? I am not against it but, when am i married to Rath?" Lyndis, who was on a horse said, shooting enemies while shoving it on their faces that they can't counter, not literally.

"Apparently the author didn't want Hector x Lyn. But her sister insisted on it, something about, they my OTP, put em together." Roy said burning enemies with his Sealed/Durandal sword hybrid, and throwing fire slashes like a pyromaniac.

"I see, since her sister is super busy now and ignores this fic, she finally gets to have her OTP." Ike nods in understanding and cleaving an enemy with Urvan. And laughs on their faces when the arrows bounces of his iron skin, not literally either.

"I am still confuse, why are we talking in the middle of nowhere killing enemies?" Lucina interjected Aethering enemies on the face, and throwing her shield at one enemy, it rebounded returning to her arm.

"Cause Author-sama is so happy that she doesn't care and just wants to shove it in everyones faces that we won." Lyn deadpanned.

"Well, granted she hates Camilla and Tharja," Ike mulled over.

"She didn't hate them at the start, she only started hating them when it escalated, to much." Roy pointed out.

"Oh yeah, but really, Nintendo giving us homage to our Fathers." They all look at their clothes, yeah, it's basically their Dad's.

"Hey, My Dad doesn't wear it like this."

"But Lyn, we don't know what your Dad looks like." Ike said

Lyn paused at that, "Good point..."

"Again, may i ask, what is the point of this?" Lucina asked, looking at their surrounding, after the fight they were trasported to a stage with banners on top of their heads.

"Yes! Broken units!" the crowd all cheered.

"The heck is happening?" Roy said confuse.

"It's the author...she is always confusing." Ike deadpanned.

Lyn was too busy checking out Murgleis...i mean, Muligar.

The four all sighed and converse. "I don't know why they are making a big deal out of this."

"Ike and Lyn are so broken that it is gross." the said broken look at Lucina. "What, it's true."

"What is the point of this chapter?" they all said at the same time.

"Cause I just want to celebrate!" Drexel appeared and hug the four. "Oh i wish i had all of you...Ike! Why aren't you appearing! I got the other three, where are you?!"

"Blame RNGesus yo! Not my fault!" Ike said, crossing his arms.

"Well i choose Lyn at the free summon!"

"Figures" the other three said.

"Hey! Not my fault, Lyn is my fave, cause she's the closest Ayra i can get, they need to pit her in! And she's a bow, on a horse...i have a fetish for Bowman's on horses."

She said showing her playthrough of FE6 and FE7 (i wish i can play the 3DS fire emblem but alas it's expensive here.) "I always include Plainsman in the Elibe series...cause Plainsman is best units."

"Bias!"

"Okay, i have a fetish for Green haired Myrmidons, or Green haired Bowmans on a horse."

"Bias!"

Before it escalated Mark teleported the four away.

"Thanks for reading this nonesense. Updates will be coming don't worry." Mark deadpanned and exits the stage.

 **End Note: Yeah, this happened...sorry...not sorry...XP**


	7. I'm Back! For a while! I think?

**Author's Note: No excuse...I have no excuse...I am sorry, I will try my best to post as often as possible now. If work and well, work doesn't swamp me that is. To mark this occasion..here is an update. Enjoy!**

 **-Chrom and Corrin are not be left alone in a Lord class Meeting with the other Lords. And No Chrom, Corrin, you guys will no longer throw you Legendary weapon somewhere so that you can, in your words. 'Earn it' like the other Lords did with there's.-**

It all started from a certain topic in a Lord Class meeting.

This meetings where held at the local pub of the crossroads village, as the name suggest...for Lords only, inside we can see Ike and Ephraim trying to outdo the other in a drinking contest, Marth calmly sipping his tea along with Eirika and Lucina.

Sigurd was teaching Seliph and Leif that no, they cannot kill or mutilate Arvis in anyway.

Alm and Celica where playing Patty cake.

The Elibe trio, specially Eliwood and Hector where dying of embarassment at wearing that God awful costume in that one day at the certain month of February. Lyn was just calmly sighing, and Roy chatting with his Father about his new horse in thee said event named Peachy.

Micaiah was petting her pet bird that for some reason that is permanently attached to her, that it even went and crossed dimensions with her on Askr. Seriously, that bird is awesome.

The topic suddenly shifted when Ephraim asked the dreaded question for a certain Lord duo.

And then, they went into words, telling each other how they got their legendary weapons, specially those that really like to fight. A.k.a the boys.

Now we can see a certain blue hair and white haired Albino kid sweating buckets, gulping while fidgeting nervously.

And then, their fear turned into a reality. Alm looked their way and asked the question they hated to answer.

"So? How did you get your Falchion and Yato?"

There it is, Chrom and Corrin looked at each other, kicking each other below the table, trying to make the other talk.

"Did you fight a horde of risen in a Duma like lair! Alone?!" Alm got his Falchion that way, Chrom and Corin both sink on their chair.

"At least you must not have galvanized an entire country, killed countless enemies..before you can get your weapon." He remembers his trial at getting his Falchion, it was not pretty.

"At least you didn't kill your wife with the said Legendary weapon!" Eliwood shouted. "That nearly broke me!"

"We got ours after fighting our way from three different countries and liberating our home." Ephraim said with a smile.

"It wasn't something to smile about brother." Eirika deadpanned.

The longer they talk the more Corrin and Chrom sink further down their chair. Specially Chrom. They look at each other, an understanding passed through them.

They both stood up and exit the pub. They won't be seen for the next few days.

-A week Later-

Olivia and Azura where looking at their husbands with dead eyes, sitting in front of them in a seiza was a bandaged covered Chrom and Corrin, who had their heads down in shame.

"Of all the things..." Azura said pinching the bridge of her nose.

"But..."

"No buts Corrin, seriously...who throws their weapon somewhere on a random volcano, or a giant crevice in Chrom's case, and then intentionally instigate the latter half a horde, scratch that horde of Faceless and Risens, and fights them with a fu-rking stick!" Azura corrected herself cause the kids run pass them.

"But we wanted to get our weapons through trial and tribulation! Like them!" Chrom whined.

"You should be happy you didn't experience any of the things they did to get their weapons! Seriously! Getting it their way is asking for a dead parent, a stolen country, and being broken over and over again until the power of friendship breaks you out of it!" Olivia shouted, she rarely shouted, so you know you did something stupid if she's shouting.

"But, I got my Yato after mom died, does that I mean I earned it?" Corrin, flinched at the stare Azura was giving him.

"So yes, you won't repeat this event again." Azura said with finality, making Chrom and Corrin droop.

"Seriously...our husbands are such kids." Olivia sighed, "Yes they are." Azura deadpanned.

 **End Note: Yeah! Chapter done! XD anyway see ya all on the next update!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Oh gosh! I updated! A miracle! Anyway, here's the chapter...enjoy!**

 **-Do not make fun of Eliwood and his pants, it is Valentines day, he was forced to wear it. Ninian will freeze you to death if you so much as say one word about said pants.-**

There was a howl, there was death, there were tears, of sadness and happiness, depending on which character we are talking about.

Let us focus on the word 'Howl' on the first sentence of this chapter.

Because the said howl, is a howl of laughter. A laughter coming from one blue haired lord, yes there are a lot of them, but there is only one lord that wields a axe and the title of the chapter is a dead giveaway anyway.

Let us go back to the story shall we.

"Bwahahahaha!" Hector's howl of laughter was immediately heard after Eliwood exited the changing room, the said person was blushing like a volcano at the clothes he is wearing.

Lilina, Roy, and Lyn all gave Hector, a blank look. Which, made him pause. "Hey, it looks funny as all hell, Ninian knows...how...to choose...em..." Hector was choking with laughter at every elipses.

Eliwood was tempted to stab his bestfriend with the lance he was holding.

"Father, I know it is tempting, but no." Roy said, making Eliwood groan in resignation.

"Now that, that is out of the way. Let us go to the festival? Shall we?" Lyndis said, making Lilina cheer about finally spending time with her father.

"Where's Aunt Mark?" Roy asked looking around.

"Somewhere, probably watching, like a hawk." Hector said, wiping away tears from laughing way too much.

"Lets just go." Lyn said with a groan, kneading the bridge of her nose.

 **-Sometimes Later-**

Lyn's earlier groan turned into a groan of headache, Roy and Lilina, who where by her side...were gaping at the scene in front of them.

Ninian, who was in her Dragon form, is holding a blank faced Eliwood, in her right Dragon hand. The said Dragon was breathing icy minty fresh breath attack at the entire festival ground. Hector was face first on the ground, his lower body frozen solid.

Also, she was perched on the tower of Effeil, which was made just for this occasion. Pegasus knights where circling the Dragon, shooting Javelin's and spears.

"How did this happen..." Roy whimpered, on the verge of crying, that is his Mother, his mother that was rampaging on the festival ground cause his father was verbally bullied, -and it was all because of that blasted pants!-

Lilina, who was finally waken up from her staring, shrieked and run to her Father, Forblaze at ready.

"Gojiran?!" Lyn and Roy both yelped at that shout, they look behind them to see Mark standing there. A blowpipe? At ready.

"What are you planning on doing with that?" Lyn asked, dread filling her body. Roy just looked fearfully at the blowpipe, "And why is Roy scared?"

"Because, I'm stopping this madness." Mark stated, holding the blowpipe above her head. "With the mighty! Dragonblow 2.0" there was a sound that played behind Mark, Lyn looked around but saw no instrument or music present.

"Okay..." Lyn drawled out, blankly staring at the tiny pipe, "Do your thing."

Mark charged with the warcry of. "GOJIRAN!"

What happened next was too gruesome for the readers...

Jk! Mark literally stabbed Ninian on her behind with the dart, she didn't even use the pipe, Lyn screamed 'What's the pipe for then!'

And thus, the monster was put to sleep, the festival continued, and Eliwood vowed to burn those blasted pants, step on the ash and scatter it to the nearest Pegasus dung.

 **-The End-**

 **Oh lol, I don't know what happened at the end. And yes, I know this is 3 months late...But meh, See ya in the next update.**

 **Drexeru Out!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: UPDATEU! NANI! IMPOSIBURU! jk, here's the next chapter enjoy!**

It all started when a certain tactician got disturbed by a urgent knocking on her door.

"Yes? Who is it?"

"Mark nee-san! Tasukete!"

Mark blinked at that exclamation from behind the door, it must be worse if Robin was shouting in their original tongue language.

"It seems, my peaceful days are over." with that, Mark opens the door, and guffawed when a crying Robin barreled into her arms. "I hate it when i am right."

Robin just continued sobbing, with Mark patting him on the back, finally Robin was calm enough to explain. His words made me choke on my own spit.

"Sex Ed."

Mark's eyes widen...oh shit..no wonder... "Corrin?"

"Traumatized.."

"Kris?" Mark continued,

"Crying in Katarina's arms."

Mark sighed, "I presume i am your last hope?"

"Yes."

"Fine, but be warned...i am not gonna hold back."

 **-LATER-**

"Good Afternoon class! I am your new teacher, my name is Mark!" Mark said with a bright smile, all of the kids gulped, they knew something bad was gonna happen.

"Mommy...help..." Lilina whimpered, Roy just did a sign of the cross, Sue was stoically panicking, Lugh and Rheigh where crying.

"So? Bad?" Morgan asked,

"Worse." Sue's reply made all the other kids sweat nervously.

"Also, we are ignoring the text book! We are going physical!" Mark gave a maniac grin and flicked her finger. Kent walked in and dumps a tied up random Dark mage guy and healer girl.

"Now...first, i need you guys to understand the body itself...observe." Mark slowly walks to the two nervous poor souls, her hands wiggling. "Clench your teeth, things are about to get wild."

There was screaming, and a very educated kids later.

 **-Meeting Room-**

All the Lords look at Mark, blankly.

The said Tactician just grinned, "You are welcome."

They decided to not ask on why there was a dark mage and a healer kneeling below on her feet.

"What happened?" Lyn asked the two.

"We have reached enlightenment!" was the identical shout, "We have discovered a new way!"

"also, i taught the kids about pleasure points and the human body..they are well prepared for the future." Mark said with a chirp.

the Lords all just sighed, just another day of insanity.

 **-End-**

 **Yata! I updated!Also thanks for support and follow, even though i only update a few times. I just might write on what happened behind those close doors when Mark was teaching, let me guys know if you want too. Thank you very much, with that.**

 **-Drexeru Out-**


End file.
